Rethinking

My thoughts have been running circles around my golf clubs which have been stowed these past few years, deep within my small cluttered bedroom closet. Wonders it is that such a small closet could manage to hide so many things. Even an entire set of clubs resting in their bag.

I was thinking lately of dragging them out, dusting them off and taking a swing or two out at the driving range. Somehow I have not as yet come to grips with why I pushed them into the closet without so much as a second glance. There was a time when playing golf or a trip to the driving range would be something I happily looked forward to. The connection between myself and the contact with the ball. The balls flight through the air, the aiming at a target, the swing and rethinking of it all.

But just as I walked away without a second glance from a 13 year relationship I also pushed aside all we shared including those clubs which had been a gift. The clubs some how held us together I think. But just like our relationship, they didn’t bend and they didn’t change … and just like me they never said a word about why or when or what they may have been thinking. Perhaps because I just really didn’t know. Perhaps driven like the ball from the tee, somehow I needed to fly.

Thinking. I am a person who will trudge through without a complaint. But then I walk away leaving everything askew without it or them or a person or anything understanding or knowing or suspecting something was ever out of place. I realize there is a certain amount of wrong with this. How can anyone be expected to understand the game if I never divulge the rules? And I understand the confusion I leave behind but I also understand the tremendous amount of relief I feel when I finally turn that corner and never look back.

But now over 3 years later and another relationship weaving feelings weighed down by questions … I seek relief. Perhaps it is time to take the clubs out and take a swing.